Let's try this rant again. Supposedly, I am spending money when I am angry with G. I do not agree with this statement since if that were true then we would be bankrupt. My stomach hurts at the mere thought of all of the stuff I pushed and shoved into storage regarding our marriage. There is no amount of money to make that go away. I would settle for a simple asking of forgiveness but since that is not about to happen, let me rant.
- We had been married two years when my dad passed away. We had just moved to Albuquerque and Greg couldn't be bothered to take leave to go to my dad's funeral with me. He went to the memorial in CA and spent his time going around visiting his friends and previous workplace.
- When I begged him in a letter to stop seeing Heidi (I was too afraid to actually speak to him face to face because for some unknown reason, I have a huge fear of confrontation and will jump through hoops to try and avoid a fight) He never said a word about it. I finally asked him if he read it and all he said was "Yeah." On Sunday, he and Heidi went around to the back of the Chapel to be alone. I just sat there in the car, wanting to leave but not leaving because I didn't want to to cause a scene. He and Heidi kept seeing each other until we moved. According to Greg "It was nothing." It was everything.
- Every miscarriage I had, I was on my own. G would go to work and tell me to give him a call when I was done. My D&C, he dropped me off at the hospital and again, I was told to give him a call when I was done.
- Infertility trips to Lancaster and Travis AFB, I had to go alone or with a girlfriend. He went to Travis once and that was because he had to so he could donate his sperm.
- When Mom needed to be institutionalized, Greg again, did not take leave. He said he couldn't, Even though the other students were able to take leave when they had family situations. He even had me ask my mom to reimburse me the cost of the plane ticket, hotel, and meals.
- When his mom would needle me and belittle me, he never asked her to back off. He still hasn't and it has been almost 24 years. He even let me get ambushed by her. No warning, he just disappeared to his friend Craig's house and never said a word to me.
- When he was having his affair with Vanessa, he left me to take care of his mom and sister. He even brought Vanessa to the house. Unbelievable.
- He had me cook for Vanessa. I kept thinking they were acting like they were on a date what balls the two of them had. And you know, he really knows how to pick them. Heidi kept acting like there was something wrong with Trudy because she thought something was going on with Steve and Heidi, Trudy even tried to commit suicide...now I know Heidi and Steve a thing, just like Heidi and Greg. And Vanessa, not only was she having an affair with my husband, she was having an affair with another guy in their squadron. She is a real piece of work. I particularly liked her "anonymous" note to me saying I needed to lose weight.
- Mac, our counselor in Georgia, thought it best I take it to Greg's commander that he and Vanessa were involved since it is a big no no in the Air Force and maybe that would turn the lightbulb on over Greg's head that he was really messing up. He was even Vanessa's superior. But when confronted by his colonel, he lied and begged for Vanessa to not get punished. Isn't that peachy? He protects her but not his own wife and daughter.
- How about porn? If I didn't know (because of my brother's help, his job is computers) I would have totally bought the lie about how he would "Never bring that trash into his home with his wife and daughter" but he did. He did bring that trash into our home. Over and over and over again. Our daughter even found it when we lived in VA and he still continued to bring that trash into our home. He went nuts when he found out I gave our hard disc to my attorney. Given that for the last 5 years, we have had no sex life. I am guessing the crap is still in our house.
- Geez, there is just so much ick. Shall we discuss our attempts at counseling? Each session, our counselor here would say he was going to get Greg to tell me why he had an affair. To this day, I haven't a clue. Each session Greg would unleash a vicious assault on me. How I spent $3000 to retain an attorney, that covered quite a few sessions. How I wasn't wearing my wedding ring. I hadn't worn it in months and he never even noticed until I told him to put it away in his lock box.
- shall we discuss his snooping? He put some program on the computer that took screenshots of every single email I read and sent. I found it in the temporary internet files when I was looking at all the porn he had and his fascination for Wonder Woman and Charlie's Angels. For the last 11 years and who knows how long before that, I have been snooped on. And knowing I was being snooped on, I let an old boyfriend write really provocative emails...Did Greg ever do anything? Nope. Not until I confronted him about finding more porn did he deflect by bringing up Kirk's emails.
- And then 3 years ago, with Facebook...Lauren and I kept getting friend suggestions for Emily Jones, we both thought it was odd since we were already friends with her. She used her husband's account since she didn't want her own...One day, I decided to create a second account for all the game requests I kept getting and when I tried to set it up, it said I already had an account attached to that email account...for Emily Jones. Neither Lauren nor I set that up and to this day, Greg denies all knowledge. It had to be him. Who else would want to spy on our facebook accounts?
- When WPC treated Lauren and me terribly, did he protect us? He made a feeble attempt on Lauren's part, saying they acted unprofessionally. That was it. He still goes there. Every Sunday is a reminder of how he chose to stay at a church that doesn't act like Christians. Why? I have no idea. I don't know if it is a passive/aggressive punishment to me, lack of confrontation on his part or what.
- Speaking of lack of confronting. When a young man was writing pornographic notes to our daughter, he would not go talk to the parents. I have it in my old fashioned brain, that is his role. Protector of the family. He wouldn't do it...after a week, I finally took the notes and gave them to the mother. When the young man's father brought him over to apologize, you would have thought Greg handled the entire situation.
- When we moved here and I had to take Lauren to the doctor to get checked for an STD, Greg still would not pick up the phone and call the young man's father to get his son checked. Nope, I had to make the call. I resent it. I don't like confrontation either. I will jump through hoops to avoid confrontation BUT this our daughter. I have to do this as a parent. It is a responsibility, and if there is a father, he is supposed to do that. He is the guard of her virtue. He is the one who gives her away at the wedding, the mother is not the one walking the bride down the aisle.
- So, yes, I am angry, I am hurt, I feel betrayed because Greg will throw me under the bus each and every time a situation arises where he doesn't want to look bad. I don't trust him. I have no reason to. He has never really asked for or tried to earn my trust. He seems to think he is entitled to a blank check of trust and forgetfulness on my part. Because as he says "That was a long time ago." Not really and nothing has changed to make me think it won't happen again.
